Insomnia!

Again here I sit, wishing I was in bed but unable to go to sleep no matter how hard I try. I don't know if it's stress or my chaotic sleep/wake schedule, but something has got to give! Why is it that men can get into bed and as soon as thier head hits the pillow they're out, but women, our head hits the pillow and every thought in the world starts running through our head! It's times like this, and when I'm out without a bathroom near by, that I wish I were male... they have it so much easier than they think! I have finally stopped even trying, instead I sit up with a delicious glass of wine and watch Sex and The City or HGTV... wow what a combo lol!

On another, lighter, note Tim and I will hopefully be on our way to Texas Friday :)!! I am so excited.. so excited to see everyone... so excited for the holiday!! I can't wait to get home and spend time with my amazing sister... we have never been more close than we are now, and i am loving and cherishing every moment of it! Family has always been so important to me. I have always been pretty close with my brother who is closest in age to me but my older brother and sister have such a gap between us, relationships never seem to fit. I always looked up to my sister, she was always an inspiration to me, but we never clicked in the past. Now, that she is 33 and I'm 23 for some reason about 3 years ago it just clocked... it just happend! I am so thankful for my family, so thankful that they are my support system and i know no matter what... right or wrong... if i need them they're there! (sorry i know i went a little off track there)!

I wish everyone a happy holiday... i will try to blog again soon! <3>

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas!

Well it's that time of year again! The time of year where we all put ourselves on the back burner to think about others as well as the meaning of Christmas. It is amazing to me that 2008 is about to come to a close. In many ways it feels as if the year has just begun! As we enter the new year I can't help but recall all the pages I have added this year to my scrapbook of life! It has been an amazing year! Tim and I will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary soon and it feels like it's only the 1st! I guess that's a good thing :)!

Now for the update! Tim and I are doing great... we had the pleasure of venturing back home to Texas for what we thought would be a wonderful Thanksgiving! Unfortunately 2 days after Thanksgiving we had to take mom to the hospital! Apparently her heart had gone into AFib (in other words beating crazily) for no reason! Luckily after an ecg and stress test they discovered her heart would be ok, however, she was disgnosed with Diabetes... she took it very hard! How could the most health concious person I know have something to this degree wrong?!? We all know mom will learn to live with this and will take care of herself and will probably only have to be on a pill and never insulin... but it got me thinking! Having already been diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, this new family diagnosis just hit me with one more predisposition to contracting Diabetes... not good! So I will put it out there for the world so that I have no choice but to keep my word... My New Years resolution is to lose 40lbs! I know I can do it... but i appreciate any support!!!

After that shocking weekend... Tim and I headed to Fort Worth for a couple days to look at housing. I was ecstatic! I had never been to the Dallas/Ft. Worth area and it was just one more part of my home state that I couldnt wait to explore! We stayed with some friends already stationed there and spent the two days apartment searching and eating a yummy resturants! I LOVED the area and to my amazment so did my Minnesotan husband :)! Fort Worth has this unique old small town feel to it eventhough its a big city! Tim and I found a very nice place and put our deposit down and will be moving in on January 15!!! We are right in between all the shopping and resturant and only 10 minutes from the Stockyards and Base... but the apartment is nestled in a nice shady quiet street! Oh and it has a Wood Burning Fire Place :)!! I can not wait!

I recently stopped working as a substitute teacher, i love it but it was time for me to stop so that i could get everything ready for the big move! Who knew it would be this difficult! Tim is still with 74, we detach on January 9th so we are also dealing with getting all the Navy check off lists taken care of! We are leaving December 22-29 to spend Christmas in Texas... I'm so happy! So really we only have about 2 weeks of time left here in MS!

Well I want to wish each and every one of you a VERY Merry Christmas and a Wonderful 2009!

Time Flies when your hubby is home!

so maybe i haven't blogged in a couple months... don't judge me lol!

Tim returned home safely and without any bumps or bruises, just a slight increase in the abdominal region... meanin a beer gut, however, if i was in the bahamas i would build one also lol!

Tim and I now live with Laura, her hubby is gone and we both love each others company so when our lease was up instead of me moving back to texas and tim living in the barracks until january, laura took us in! i love her for it

Things havent been going good on the baby front.... Still not pregnant. However, I have decided its ok, it will happen when God knows we are good and ready, and we probably arent at this point so we will play it out and see what happens in the future.

I cut my hair off... it looks pretty awesome! and its about ten times easier to deal with!

Friday was my 23rd birthday, it was the best one yet i believe! Ok maybe the chuck e cheese bday when i was younger has it beat but you get the idea. I gave timothy a 75 dollar spending limit on my bday (we still have bills and i wanted some to put in savings) needless to say he added a hundred to that because apparently whatever i write on my list he has to buy... everything! Him and Laura went out last week for 3 hours and got me all kinds of awesome gifts (my fav being my new saweeeet purse) and while they were out they thought it would be fun to plan an embarrassing moment involving a bday cake with trick sparking candles at my favorite resturant! So friday night as i tried blowing them out (after being embarrassed infront of all the other people trying to eat at longhorn) sparks flew everywhere, i believe cook (a friend of ours) almost lost his balls! it was quite an extravaganza! Then we headed to guitars and cadillacs the new country bar in town,,, and after getting a little toasty there we ventured to our usual hole in the wall... BOONES TAVERN, if that doesnt sound country i dont know what does... i had a blast we LOVE boones! The usual crowd was there including nate, the one who always teases me for loving the horns cause he is an aggie fan... guess what it was HIS bday also quite amusing! [o we fight about horns/aggies every weekend but its a love hate relationship. (pic above). I dont remember who drove us home, i assume Hardy he was the only sober one... it was nice to drink for once i am ALWAYS the DD i have drank since MARCH! it was a great bday!

well i am signing off now... going to TEXAS to see the family for thanksgiving and then up to fort worth to hopefully find housing for when we move next month! yay!

sleep is for the weak!

i have been awake since about 8 this morning and its now almost midnight... i went to bed at 10 with my hubby with the honest intentions of getting some sleep... obviously that didnt happen! I layed there and stared into space as my mind raced about a million miles a minute, finally, i gave up and decided to blog out my agression! This no sleep thing is becoming a habit... i cant seem to sleep at night, its almost as if my body thinks its absolutly halarious! So i have decided to make myself feel better by telling myself... "sleep is for the weak"! Maybe that will work? maybe not? guess we will see lol!

Yesterday I finally got tired of just staying home all day and cleaning or watching tv... i got to the point where i felt as if i merely existed in the world and like i was serving no purpose! My original plan was to take this fall off, off work and off school, since we are moving in 3 months, well... i couldnt take it anymore. So yesterday I went to Kelly Services to try and get on with the school district as a sub and i have an interview next wednesday :) i am super excited so keep your fingers crossed and me in your prayers! It would be an awesome job, monday through friday 8-4 and you dont have to work if you dont want to... however, this could be bad for me to get used to lol!

In the midst of all of this crazyness, i started to think, which really is never good with me. I felt as if i was merely existing so getting a job was the solution... but then what purpose would i be serving?? It doesnt seem like it would change my outlook much except that maybe i wouldnt be bored... So now i just cant wait to go back to school get my degree and start doing something that might make a difference in a childs life!

Well, i am going to try yet again to get some sleep... if anyone has any suggestions on help sleeping without pills let me know! lol! love you all!

happiness & misery

well having my husband home has been amazing... we haven't done much, spent time with family and just been hanging out together at home... but none the less its been absolutely amazing! However, it never seems that you can been overwhelming happy without having something come along that brings you down. Last week my mouth start hurting, i knew it had something to do with these darn wisdom teeth, and it just intensified monday and tuesday until finally on wednesday morning i had tim come home from work and take me to the ER (my dental insurance doesnt kick in for 15 more days)... all i was expecting was some pain meds to get me by until the pain lessened or i could get in to the dentist... well they decided to send me to dental on base. Did i mention i am not a fan of military doctors?? So tim and i sat there for 3 1/2 hours waiting to get in as i was in excritiating pain. Finally i saw the doc and got an xray... turns out he says it was my top wisdom tooth had come in and was irritating my bottom gums so he pulled it... yep RIGHT THERE... it was crazy but the numbness felt amazing lol... however the doc is crazy and i am still in pain bc it is my BOTTOM one coming in... i am like a toothing baby... and hoping that it comes in soon so the pain will stop since i dont go to the dentist until october to get my other three cut out... this has all been so annoying because i have NEVER had teeth problems... i had one small cavity when i was younger thats it!

Well i have vented and im sure no one cared about my mouth lol... well i hope all is well with everyone!!

Its been a while!

hey everyone! I know it has been absolutely FOREVER since i posted so i figured i should give an update on all things shauna! As most of you know TIM IS HOME!! yep he got home on the 6th! I am so happy to have him back! The little ones left to head back to texas on friday :( i sure do miss those little boogers! Since Tim got back i have been busy searching online for a house in fort worth area for when we move in december... We are hoping to rent a house or duplex with a fenced in backyard for the dogs... it will make things so much easier! Also, we have been busy trying to make babies lol! PRAY that it happens... i have been praying about it everyday and i hope it happens soon!

In other news, tim has decided to start a construction management program when we get to fort worth and i will start at utdallas for child deveolpment and behavior in hopes of graduating with a bachelors and a teaching certificate within 3 years, hopefully if i get preggo i will deliver in the summer so it wont interrupt my schooling, but we will cross that bridge when we get there, however, i do vow to finish my degree as quickly as possible and tim should graduate in about 3 years... eventhough we can afford a baby, we also want to be able to give our children an awesome life!

well guys thats basically whats happening in my world... everything is going well! i hope all is well with everyone!!! ill post again soon... promise!

bubbly solitude

its been a crazy few days... hence the reason i havent written! besides going to the pool everyday, i also came up with the awesome plan to rearrange and decorate my living room and bedroom... for some reason i thought it would all get done in one night HAHA! how funny i am! i started yesterday afternoon and i am now done tonight at 11! but it looks great and was well worth it!

but now that i have spent three days listening to kids scream... roasting in the sun... cleaning every 5 hours... and rearranging furniture that God knows i shouldnt move on my own, i decided to take a bubble bath... it was amazing, i had the music on, boys in bed and it was sooooo quiet for once!! i loved it!

update on tim... he will be home on august 5 TWELVE DAYS... YAY! and as of this saturday he will be able to start calling again.. he had a good bday and is doing awesome!

well i know this was short and i hope it was sweet... i will blog a better one soon!

words i thought i'd never hear!

so today i finally got to talk to tim... eventhough where he is the phone situation isnt so awesome we have the internet so we are chatting on yahoo... anyway if you refer back to the "realizations" post you will notice when discussing how tim felt about pregnancy i used the word "think" a lot... well today in our conversation, although i was apprehensive about it, i casually (lol) asked the inevitable question "so are we gonna try when you come home?" the answer i got was the usual "maybe"... so i said to him "look i really want your opinion on this, this is not only affecting me" and he replied a response that took me by suprise "yes, we can try" so as i got excited i started thinkin maybe he was just making me happy so i said "really" and he replied "yep" and then i asked him if he was sure and if he actually wanted a baby and he said "yes, i really do, i want to try" and i got so elated lol... sorry about all that dialogue! so we discussed it and he said he would start prayin about it and when he gets home thats what we will do... try :)!

So this got me thinking.... maybe i havent been able to in the past because God knew tim wasnt ready... so with all the prayers i have been sending his way lately, i am thinking this might be his way of telling me our time is coming... i am so happy and so ready to do this!! so keep tim and i in your prayers!!!

well another long day has passed and i am now at 15 days and a wake up before my love is home :)!!!

hope everyone is doing well i will post again soon!

Red Hot...

Today, again, we adventured to the pool... see i want to be tan when tim comes home and it also occupies the boys... well in my tanning effort i have now become BURNT... yep im red red and its pretty uncomfortable... i am hoping in a couple days ill be golden brown but chances are ill just contain that sunkissed pink look :)!

only 16 days left until my hubby gets back and boy am i ready! I hate deployments but this one has been extra hard for some reason... i guess cause its his last one so im ready for it to just end!

I dont have much to say today... im burnt, drained and impatient :) sums it all up!

Chlorine!

well today was another lovely adventure to the pool with the little ones.... and by adventure i mean all day besides lunch time when we went to see nicole and when got a bite to eat for dinner...it is now 11:00 and we JUST got done with our post pool showers.

My hair is currently green... yes GREEN! apparently swimming for at least 4 hours a day everyday in an abundance of chlorine isnt so good for highlights! ah well ill get it fixed before tim gets home hehe :)

The good news is i FINALLY got in touch with my doctor after an all out phone battle with appointment services yesterday (side note: military insurance, while free, totally SUCKS)... anyway he is ordering more labs and possibly increasing my synthroid (thyroid meds) dose.. which will increase my chances of ovulation so keep me in your prayers for that :)!

I heard from tim today... they made it to the other part of the island fine... and he send me a short message letting me know they are still trying to get phones but he does have the internet so thats a relief!

well im exausted and need to get these kiddos to bed, as soon as they help me clean the kitchen ;)! goodnight!

Realizations

Do you ever find yourself quietly relaxing somewhere and suddenly you just start thinking about life and all of these realizations pop into your mind as if they want to disturb the peacefulness that surrounds you?

Well that happend to me today... I was laying out, trying to get a tan, at the pool... and although most wouldn't call children splashing and screaming with laughter in the background exactly peaceful... it is my ideal place to be when i just want to get away from it all... There i was, in my lawn chair, sunglasses, bottle of water, whole nine yards when suddenly my mind started racing... and what other than my pregnancy issues to pop in my mind! So i layed there and thought about how much i wanted to get pregnant and how i didnt understand why it was so hard for me... basically sulking like a little winer about how unlucky i am... when suddenly I began to realize something very important...

Be content with what you have now... I have a wonderful family and a poop ton of people who love me that i love in return i am the last person that needs to be moping around as if the world is going to end because i dont have an expanding belly...

I am going to continue to pray and hope and have faith that our time will come... For a long time I wanted a baby so bad and tim really wasnt sure about it, but i think now that we are both on the same page and both taking healthy steps to better our chances, and both praying about it... i think our time is near!

Also, i just realized im about to pass out on this keyboard im soooo tired! so i will leave you with this!
Be content with the wonderful things you have in life... dont dwell on the things you want and can not have for that will only take your attention and love away from the things you do!!

Back to Reality...

Well its back to reality... and by reality I mean back to realizing I actually live in Mississippi lol... Yep, the nephews, dogs and I made it back in one piece! While it's great to be home and in my own element i wish home was still in texas :(! Everytime i go home i realize how much I miss my family and friends... My neices are growing so fast and my brothers and sister's lives are changing so much it's hard to keep up! At least I have my nephews for the summer to keep me company... they are so awesome... shane (9) makes me laugh histerically and justin (6) is my little helper!!!

Unfortunately, while I was home I found out an old friend of mine, who aside from myspace, I haven't spoken to in couple years, passed away a couple of weeks ago... it hit me pretty hard, being that he is so young, and also that I didn't even hear about this until now so i missed the funeral and the benefit... He was an awesome and HALLARIOUS guy... he will surely be missed! RIP John Jr.

So on that note I will give you my thought for this wonderful day...

Life passes us by so quickly... so why regret the past? why hold grudges? why live life sulking because of things you can not change? Embrace what you have today, because you never know if it will be there tomorrow! Love those you love like they won't be here tomorrow... that way when the time comes for them to leave this world you will have no regrets... and you can rest assured they knew they were loved by you...

And just a little update on tim... they finished their roofing project EARLY :) which will look awesome on my hubbies eval since he is the job sup! But he couldnt have done it without his crew... so good jobs fellas! They will be moving about an hour from where they are now to start their next project and guess what... he will be home in about 19 days :)!!!!!!!!!! im ecstatic!

well i hope all is well with everyone.... i will post again soon! love ya!

The Verdict is in!

well i awoke this morning hopeful of a "positive" outcome... and yet again got another "negative" one...

This is why I tried so hard not to get my hopes up, but I know I will be ok, I have had this same disappointment at least 6 times in the past year... so it's nothing new! For now I am going to keep taking my thyroid meds and keep eating healthy and walking daily and hope for the best when Tim gets home.

In other news, my life is still chaos... everything seems so out of wack when Tim is deployed... and I hate not having some sort of daily structure... I must be weird because last i checked going to the pool everyday and getting a rather awesome tan wasnt such a bad thing! But when your mind is overtaken with a million thoughts it isn't as relaxing as it may sound!

The number one thought on my mind has been what the heck i should do with my life!!!! I have gone over it and over it in my head... what will be the fastest degree? what will pay the most? Finally, I stopped the insanity and just went with it! I am going to start the CVA (certified veterinary assistant) program this week... it takes about three months and i only pays about 12 and hour but for now its a guaranteed job with guaranteed money and hey tim and i can use that! In the spring I will either go on to get my Registered vet tech and increase to about 16 an hour or finish up a bachelors in science and become a teacher... either way it'll take me about 2 years and the slaries are pretty much the same... so who knows we will see i guess...

For now I will be a vet assistant and help pay the bills so tim and i can have some sort of social life again!

Becoming a "blogger"

Well this is my very first blog! I was planning on introducing myself and talking all about my life here but you can find all of that out in the About me section of my profile if you so choose :)!

Well aside from the wonderful world of myspace I have never blogged... however, i find it an interesting way to let off steam! so i have decided to become a blogger... and i sure hope i can keep you interested lol.

So as i sit here with a million thoughts scrounging my mind, one in particular has stuck out in my mind. Why is that eventhough we can have a wonderful life... there is always something we aren't content with? Why is it that we can have next to everything we ever dreamed of and somehow we keep finding more things we want in life?!? I guess the reason I am feeling this way is because eventhough I have an amazing life with a wonderful husband, for the past year all i have thought about is having a baby... I know that every woman experiences this feeling at some point in life, but it is currently consuming me! We have had serious problems conceiving and i am starting to feel hopeless... I am almost positive that its my thyroid issue but i just cant seem to get it under control! I can't help but feel jealous everytime i hear about someone being pregnant and i know that's so selfish but all i can think is "why them, and not me"....

About a month ago my husband was home for a week and of course we tried with what little time we had... so today i took a test... invalid it said... apparently my pee isnt good enough lol... so i will try again in the morning with my fresh morning pee and see how that works out. I have gotten my hopes up so many times in the past that this time i tried and tried not to but the more i think about it of course the more i want to be preggo! So i think in the midst of all the hype today i had a realization....

Some of the things we want most in life, we have to be patient to get... we have to let God take control and let things happen when they are suppose to and trust that he knows what's best for us... so although my anxiousness remains at an all time high... I'm going to sleep easy tonight... pray and hope for the best but also pray that if things dont turn out the way i would like them to that God will give me the strength to keep trying and the strength to get through all this PATIENTLY!!

Well thats it for my very first blog... thanks for reading!