bubbly solitude

its been a crazy few days... hence the reason i havent written! besides going to the pool everyday, i also came up with the awesome plan to rearrange and decorate my living room and bedroom... for some reason i thought it would all get done in one night HAHA! how funny i am! i started yesterday afternoon and i am now done tonight at 11! but it looks great and was well worth it!

but now that i have spent three days listening to kids scream... roasting in the sun... cleaning every 5 hours... and rearranging furniture that God knows i shouldnt move on my own, i decided to take a bubble bath... it was amazing, i had the music on, boys in bed and it was sooooo quiet for once!! i loved it!

update on tim... he will be home on august 5 TWELVE DAYS... YAY! and as of this saturday he will be able to start calling again.. he had a good bday and is doing awesome!

well i know this was short and i hope it was sweet... i will blog a better one soon!

words i thought i'd never hear!

so today i finally got to talk to tim... eventhough where he is the phone situation isnt so awesome we have the internet so we are chatting on yahoo... anyway if you refer back to the "realizations" post you will notice when discussing how tim felt about pregnancy i used the word "think" a lot... well today in our conversation, although i was apprehensive about it, i casually (lol) asked the inevitable question "so are we gonna try when you come home?" the answer i got was the usual "maybe"... so i said to him "look i really want your opinion on this, this is not only affecting me" and he replied a response that took me by suprise "yes, we can try" so as i got excited i started thinkin maybe he was just making me happy so i said "really" and he replied "yep" and then i asked him if he was sure and if he actually wanted a baby and he said "yes, i really do, i want to try" and i got so elated lol... sorry about all that dialogue! so we discussed it and he said he would start prayin about it and when he gets home thats what we will do... try :)!

So this got me thinking.... maybe i havent been able to in the past because God knew tim wasnt ready... so with all the prayers i have been sending his way lately, i am thinking this might be his way of telling me our time is coming... i am so happy and so ready to do this!! so keep tim and i in your prayers!!!

well another long day has passed and i am now at 15 days and a wake up before my love is home :)!!!

hope everyone is doing well i will post again soon!

Red Hot...

Today, again, we adventured to the pool... see i want to be tan when tim comes home and it also occupies the boys... well in my tanning effort i have now become BURNT... yep im red red and its pretty uncomfortable... i am hoping in a couple days ill be golden brown but chances are ill just contain that sunkissed pink look :)!

only 16 days left until my hubby gets back and boy am i ready! I hate deployments but this one has been extra hard for some reason... i guess cause its his last one so im ready for it to just end!

I dont have much to say today... im burnt, drained and impatient :) sums it all up!

Chlorine!

well today was another lovely adventure to the pool with the little ones.... and by adventure i mean all day besides lunch time when we went to see nicole and when got a bite to eat for dinner...it is now 11:00 and we JUST got done with our post pool showers.

My hair is currently green... yes GREEN! apparently swimming for at least 4 hours a day everyday in an abundance of chlorine isnt so good for highlights! ah well ill get it fixed before tim gets home hehe :)

The good news is i FINALLY got in touch with my doctor after an all out phone battle with appointment services yesterday (side note: military insurance, while free, totally SUCKS)... anyway he is ordering more labs and possibly increasing my synthroid (thyroid meds) dose.. which will increase my chances of ovulation so keep me in your prayers for that :)!

I heard from tim today... they made it to the other part of the island fine... and he send me a short message letting me know they are still trying to get phones but he does have the internet so thats a relief!

well im exausted and need to get these kiddos to bed, as soon as they help me clean the kitchen ;)! goodnight!

Realizations

Do you ever find yourself quietly relaxing somewhere and suddenly you just start thinking about life and all of these realizations pop into your mind as if they want to disturb the peacefulness that surrounds you?

Well that happend to me today... I was laying out, trying to get a tan, at the pool... and although most wouldn't call children splashing and screaming with laughter in the background exactly peaceful... it is my ideal place to be when i just want to get away from it all... There i was, in my lawn chair, sunglasses, bottle of water, whole nine yards when suddenly my mind started racing... and what other than my pregnancy issues to pop in my mind! So i layed there and thought about how much i wanted to get pregnant and how i didnt understand why it was so hard for me... basically sulking like a little winer about how unlucky i am... when suddenly I began to realize something very important...

Be content with what you have now... I have a wonderful family and a poop ton of people who love me that i love in return i am the last person that needs to be moping around as if the world is going to end because i dont have an expanding belly...

I am going to continue to pray and hope and have faith that our time will come... For a long time I wanted a baby so bad and tim really wasnt sure about it, but i think now that we are both on the same page and both taking healthy steps to better our chances, and both praying about it... i think our time is near!

Also, i just realized im about to pass out on this keyboard im soooo tired! so i will leave you with this!
Be content with the wonderful things you have in life... dont dwell on the things you want and can not have for that will only take your attention and love away from the things you do!!

Back to Reality...

Well its back to reality... and by reality I mean back to realizing I actually live in Mississippi lol... Yep, the nephews, dogs and I made it back in one piece! While it's great to be home and in my own element i wish home was still in texas :(! Everytime i go home i realize how much I miss my family and friends... My neices are growing so fast and my brothers and sister's lives are changing so much it's hard to keep up! At least I have my nephews for the summer to keep me company... they are so awesome... shane (9) makes me laugh histerically and justin (6) is my little helper!!!

Unfortunately, while I was home I found out an old friend of mine, who aside from myspace, I haven't spoken to in couple years, passed away a couple of weeks ago... it hit me pretty hard, being that he is so young, and also that I didn't even hear about this until now so i missed the funeral and the benefit... He was an awesome and HALLARIOUS guy... he will surely be missed! RIP John Jr.

So on that note I will give you my thought for this wonderful day...

Life passes us by so quickly... so why regret the past? why hold grudges? why live life sulking because of things you can not change? Embrace what you have today, because you never know if it will be there tomorrow! Love those you love like they won't be here tomorrow... that way when the time comes for them to leave this world you will have no regrets... and you can rest assured they knew they were loved by you...

And just a little update on tim... they finished their roofing project EARLY :) which will look awesome on my hubbies eval since he is the job sup! But he couldnt have done it without his crew... so good jobs fellas! They will be moving about an hour from where they are now to start their next project and guess what... he will be home in about 19 days :)!!!!!!!!!! im ecstatic!

well i hope all is well with everyone.... i will post again soon! love ya!

The Verdict is in!

well i awoke this morning hopeful of a "positive" outcome... and yet again got another "negative" one...

This is why I tried so hard not to get my hopes up, but I know I will be ok, I have had this same disappointment at least 6 times in the past year... so it's nothing new! For now I am going to keep taking my thyroid meds and keep eating healthy and walking daily and hope for the best when Tim gets home.

In other news, my life is still chaos... everything seems so out of wack when Tim is deployed... and I hate not having some sort of daily structure... I must be weird because last i checked going to the pool everyday and getting a rather awesome tan wasnt such a bad thing! But when your mind is overtaken with a million thoughts it isn't as relaxing as it may sound!

The number one thought on my mind has been what the heck i should do with my life!!!! I have gone over it and over it in my head... what will be the fastest degree? what will pay the most? Finally, I stopped the insanity and just went with it! I am going to start the CVA (certified veterinary assistant) program this week... it takes about three months and i only pays about 12 and hour but for now its a guaranteed job with guaranteed money and hey tim and i can use that! In the spring I will either go on to get my Registered vet tech and increase to about 16 an hour or finish up a bachelors in science and become a teacher... either way it'll take me about 2 years and the slaries are pretty much the same... so who knows we will see i guess...

For now I will be a vet assistant and help pay the bills so tim and i can have some sort of social life again!

Becoming a "blogger"

Well this is my very first blog! I was planning on introducing myself and talking all about my life here but you can find all of that out in the About me section of my profile if you so choose :)!

Well aside from the wonderful world of myspace I have never blogged... however, i find it an interesting way to let off steam! so i have decided to become a blogger... and i sure hope i can keep you interested lol.

So as i sit here with a million thoughts scrounging my mind, one in particular has stuck out in my mind. Why is that eventhough we can have a wonderful life... there is always something we aren't content with? Why is it that we can have next to everything we ever dreamed of and somehow we keep finding more things we want in life?!? I guess the reason I am feeling this way is because eventhough I have an amazing life with a wonderful husband, for the past year all i have thought about is having a baby... I know that every woman experiences this feeling at some point in life, but it is currently consuming me! We have had serious problems conceiving and i am starting to feel hopeless... I am almost positive that its my thyroid issue but i just cant seem to get it under control! I can't help but feel jealous everytime i hear about someone being pregnant and i know that's so selfish but all i can think is "why them, and not me"....

About a month ago my husband was home for a week and of course we tried with what little time we had... so today i took a test... invalid it said... apparently my pee isnt good enough lol... so i will try again in the morning with my fresh morning pee and see how that works out. I have gotten my hopes up so many times in the past that this time i tried and tried not to but the more i think about it of course the more i want to be preggo! So i think in the midst of all the hype today i had a realization....

Some of the things we want most in life, we have to be patient to get... we have to let God take control and let things happen when they are suppose to and trust that he knows what's best for us... so although my anxiousness remains at an all time high... I'm going to sleep easy tonight... pray and hope for the best but also pray that if things dont turn out the way i would like them to that God will give me the strength to keep trying and the strength to get through all this PATIENTLY!!

Well thats it for my very first blog... thanks for reading!